Here's my confession: I got bored
with spiritual practices.
Inhale, count to 4, exhale, count to 6.
Do frog asana better
than any yogini in the studio.
That guy's smiling,
does he have a better mantra?
My guru is flawless, yours
diddled a 16 year old.
On the inbreath say, "Breathing in,"
on the outbreath, "Breathing out."
But why not say, "My grandmother
rides her intergalactic tricycle
through golden atoms of chicken broth?"
Replace the thought of that lady's rump
with the thought of emptiness. Really?
So I took my complaints to the Master
who laughed and laughed and said,
"When did you ever see me actually
doing any of that crap?
Can't you see I just sip wine all day
from the barrel of foolishness?"
Then he threw his arm around my shoulder
and led me to a public house
called The Tavern of Awakening,
where everyone gets instantly drunk
by practicing absolutely nothing.
Those fools are always dancing in a circle,
but nobody knows
who started the celebration, or why.
You should be running out of patience
by now, friend.
Become a wave crashing on the shore.
Just do who you are
and pulverize diamonds with your whirling.
